One Will

This weekend the community and oblates heard reflections on the theme of mercy during our community weekend. One of my favorite bits for reflection was the idea that mercy has a lot to do with our unmet expectations. When someone else doesn't live up to your expectations, how do you react? How do you treat that person? Are you bitter and resentful? Or, do you channel God's mercy and shower that person with compassion?

For me, so much of that has to do with letting go of my will, which is not always the easiest thing. As I reflected, I remembered a reflection that I wrote in response to a part of Macrina Wiederkehr's book, A Tree Full of Angels. In it, she writes about finding nourishment in the "crumbs" of our lives and our hesitations about embracing God's will.

Here are her words:

O Most Powerful One, O Indwelling One,

I have no words to bring you into my heart;

for already you have emptied yourself into my life.

You came uninvited. You are here.

But I am afraid to reach out and touch you.

I am afraid of falling in love.

Don't you see that if I fall in love

I will have to surrender to your embrace.

I will have to let you love me as I am,

with all my imperfections.

I will have to give you my will.

O God, I love my own will!

I am not ready to give it up.

And here is a part of the response I wrote:

My will, God?

My will is to be impressive,

My will is to be right,

Usually in someone else’s eyes,

Not in the One’s eyes,

Your eyes,

The only eyes that can truly judge me,

Which judge me with love, always,

Which judge me with mercy, always.

And, You,

You have ideas for me, God,

Great ideas –

Because your will?

(Not that I need to be right about this,

But I think I’ve listened enough to know.)

Is to reassure me

that I am impressive,

in your loving, merciful eyes,

That I am enough,

in your loving, merciful eyes,

That your will is what is right.

Help me fall into your will

In every moment,

Your will of love and of mercy,

Let your will be my true crumb,

So that I might recognize my loaf as Yours.

Let us fall into God's mercy.

Let us walk in the holy presence.